and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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