The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
