we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
