You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Did you pee in the oven last night??
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
