What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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