when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
They are going to name an STD after you.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
