I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
