I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
