Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I could make wine with my vomit
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
No...this little piggys going to the bar
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
