i'm signing you up for texting rehab
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
