Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
