bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
