She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
