And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
