what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
