I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
