Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
