It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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