just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
