you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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