i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The adults are the big ones right?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
