Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
