spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
