absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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