You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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