Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
