it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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