Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
