Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
