two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
