Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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