very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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