Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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