In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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