whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
