Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
