Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
