It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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