so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
