i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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