So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
