Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
did i just pee glitter
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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