I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
