all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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