I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
