I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
