I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
