I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
