how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
