she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
