That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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